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2002…a Letter Unsent

April 24, 2013

November 22, 2002.

Entonces, mi _ _ _ (name omitted for privacy),

Aqui estoy…otra vez. 

Siento seca.  Seca de inspiracion.

Siento la necesidad de escribir y espresarme…y…

porque no puedo encontrar mis palabras para poesia,

lo que es mi manera usual para communicarme, tu…como me buen amigo me escuchas y durar la tormenta…ademas mi poesia es tan horrible…

Pero tu…y tus poemas…siempre revelan algo mas y nunca faltan inspriacion.

My last letter was very self absorbed.  I’m sorry for that.  So…I hope things with your lady friend have improved.  Are the two of you back together or just friends.  The last time we spoke over un cafecito…you didn’t think it possible to be with her.  I hope that changed and that she came to her senses…

As for me the man came back to me…he tells me he loves me and wants to grow old with me…but I sense his hesitance and my soul responds with hesitance…she is unconvinced of his supposed conviction…can I handle being a wife and bearing the children of a man unconvinced he loves me?…Will I lose myself here?

There’s nothing new to share…new job…same boredom…I’m grateful to pay my bills…but I want to know what I’m meant for…I want to pour myself out into that rather than waiting to expire in meaningless passing of days and self seeking pleasure…

I hope you framed the picture of the church I gave you.  I think I may have another one for you…not a church but still…it reminds me of you…if it develops well I’ll send it to you.

I have a favor to ask…a selfish indulgence…I don’t’ know if you keep my letters.  I keep yours…if you do keep mine, and should I outlive you…will you will me back the letters I sent you?  Foolish I know…but this correspondence and friendship I’m blessed with in you…it feels sacred…and I want to keep it for myself.  I told you it was selfish.

Always,

M~

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From → poetry

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