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starving…

May 23, 2015

Love myself, I can’t receive love, but I’m starving for it, like a child suffering from starvation and unable to swallow what will save her. 

it’s a slow suffocation…one I’m living through…

So…my hearts deaths have been all my own unwitting, sinful doing…I wasn’t taught love, now mercy is teaching me and it is my living and teaching I must undertake. Atonement to live, receive and release. 

this is a relief and a grief…grief I threw so much away…a relief to know it may stop now with me and that I can teach my son love…leave a legacy of love…and even love those who were unable to teach me what they never received themselves…but it takes courage I don’t know…to live a life down a path unscripted…walking down the King James “valley of death,” that I may find the Lewis “happy valley” bathed in the liquid love of the son, bleaching my bones beautiful…stripping them down to purity, back to origin…back home…back to love.

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